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Potentially Sleep

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At first sight
My eyes went beyond your surface level
I sized up the circumference of your lips & the deep of your feet
I gave consideration to the Grand possibility
That Perhaps You’d be everything I Wanted you to be
But Too bad those big tallies could never truly estimate
what I hoped you had potential to be
In my mind you Alone possessed the potential
Of the culmination of being both you AND me
And somewhere along the lines of my mind I persuaded
your potential into being my alleged reality …
Yes- In my mind I signed up for make believe
that you were already right there with me
Like really Psyched myself out into dreaming and day walking into imagining things
And all the While in my beautiful slumber
You looked at things soooo so differently
Per say- an Opportunity to conquer me sexually
And successful ? Well, Yea maybe
But u see that was JUST the tip of the ice burg
Look up Sir- you only went knee deep
And so It’s crazy how we were always together
YET you were never actually really with me
In my mind I was on something better
but the whole time I was actually asleep
Unless Your goal was to tip off the ice burg
Know that Your conquest was incomplete
In the future- you should try something better
Like diving in for the soul’s deep
But you struggle at holding your head above water
And so All the while I was imagining things

Healing

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3-2-1 Ready or not here I come

It’s amazing how we choose to forget
Refuse to forgive
Succumb to regret

Dead daddies and emotions
Dry streams – & desert oceans

Heads full of tears
Mouths full of fears
And so mine
Mind was all open

Because u know what they say
Closed mouths don’t get fed

Well THEN closed legs shouldn’t get spread!

– EITHER

But y’all surrrre got me…

Mommy left home
Daddy was gone
& I was left in the care of a neighbor

Homework complete
Good food to eat
&He said I’d return the favor

Hide and go seek
Count to 50 – don’t peak!
&In my panties were the fingertips of a raper
Yea- in my panties were the fingertips of a raper

Ready or not here I come
Hands over my mouth
Don’t run
& so there I stooped in the closet with our little secret

———-

He was About 13 years old
And I was just nearly 5
He was a little slow, Plus I didn’t know
What was really going on at the time

Well fast forward to15 years later
I’m in college and I’m so audacious
Kicking stones – braking bones
Mad at Everyman that that doesn’t acknowledge or want to taste my flavor

And so today
Don’t know where he is
& I’m outrageous
confused by the pieces of a broken memory that seem so fallacious

Afterall it’s over a decade later
And I’m still missing pages
Can’t put together the pieces of this broken frame of-
Sticks and stones that –
broke my bone And –
just mere words that-
did more than hurt me…
Stole my innocence and my memory…

Yea-

And so I just think it’s -amazing how we choose to forget
Refuse to forgive
& succumb to regret

We don’t wanna feel
We don’t wanna steal
We don’t want to have anything to do with our pain
But if there’s anything I’ve learned from this
It’s that no matter how hard u try to block it- it’ll come back and haunt U again

Unless u choose to remember/The images/the faces
&then that’s how u block the triggers

Unless you Choose to forgive
For when u forgive you put to death the dead weight that is anchoring your soul way down in the trenches. So set your spirit free.

And don’t think about the “wha- ifs”
Regrets are extraneous and should have no bearings on “the future-me.”

These are just words.
I wrote them.
Then spoke them
Then gave myself the Power to remove dark clouds from over my head.
& so like I said
Closed mouths don’t get fed
& closed legs shouldn’t get spread
EITHER

REMEMBER THAT

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Who and what I am

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I am light and I am love
giving warm energy to the humidity
within the hovering dark clouds
I have the power of thunder striking the darkest of skies
I am stormy winds lighting the fire below the caskets
And when all is lost and gone
Amidst what is left
Scattered abroad in the ashes
There will always be
remnants of me
Because in it all
I always gave myself freely
Like Abraham gave Isaac
I sacrificed my life for the heavenlies
My time here on this earth goes beyond me
& before I was even here I was made eternity
Because the Father set me so aside differently
&Made me in His image so beautifully
Reflecting the beauty and ugliest of royalties
I am light and I am love
And although I show up in the darkest of places
Don’t u ever forget who and what I am

Ig: @liyaaaaaah
Twitter : @aliyahmonea

Baltimore to Ferguson Protests : A letter to my Unfathomable Reality, by me on behalf of the people

From the pit of my gut, I uttered …

“To the Inadvertent Racism Hatred & Bigotry that makes me sick to my stomach,

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You are the boils under my skin that make people cringe when they look at me
Youre the alfalfa in my hair that sticks up&makes me a mockery
It’s the pain I bear
It’s the blood we share
You say u love but I see no care
And so like the bald spot In my head u have fallen out time after time every time I touch you
And now everyone can see my allopecia
The cancer that eats me away
After every word I heard you say
Like pins in a voodoo doll I stuck to you and u to I
But you permanently damaging me with no grace
I cannot even face my past
Nor can I acknowledge my present so I am stuck on a rock
I’m in a hard place
Can’t even tie my shoe lace
My back hurts from baggage I carry
Its like we’re married &its scary
&now her comes that Devilish son of a bitch u made my baby
You’re the fetus in my womb that I apprehensively want to push out
Impregnated me with your venomous taste
My mind cannot erase
So now when I look at this child it’s the face of Rape
My soul is cut deep
My feet, my arms, my elbows, and my ears I weep
&your still forever with me but never to return again to bandage the bruises u inflicted upon my soul
Divorce me
Regurgitate all the life opportunities, fears, hopes, &dreams that u stole from me and my people
give me back my silenced voice
there is no noise
This house is not a home i can’t possibly live here
I’m homeless in a world full of people that see my pain
my business all out in the streets
I’m the elephant in the room and nobody wants to speak
standing on the corner with my sign saying heal my hurt
will work for hope
battered marginialized immobilized and bodily severed from your adultery and abandonment
but like i said
Give me my papers I am ready to sign them
I want a divorce”

Photo shot by Akeem Griffin Nov.25.2014